You're A Peaseant.

Ask me anythingSubmitNext pageArchive

haveabowlofwhore:

don’t ever let this die

(Source: weloveshortvideos.com, via laugh-until-you-drop)

kid: dad whats a 69
dad: well son, a 69 is when two people who love each other very much get together with a 6 and a 9 and a 5 6 7 8 [spotlight turns on] [dad breaks into jazz number]
al-the-stuff-i-like:

seapunkies:

for3v3rbeautiful:

Me when I walk with my mom somewhere 

are you spongebob or squidward I can’t tell

somehow I’m both

(Source: fauxpasdreams, via topfunnystuff)

ohitsjustkim:

esm398:

jakebumlick:

pika-brew:

pika-brew:

My roommate and I are really sick and we look like shit, but we were hungry so we ordered pizza.
But we didn’t want anyone to see us, so we asked them over the phone if we can leave the money on the door and they can just drop off the pizza.

The guy said sure.

So we decided to leave a nice little note
image

image

and we hung it above the door bell. I hope they like it!

image

oMGGGG

image

pizza cares

Pizza understands

pizza spelt its own name wrong

(via topfunnystuff)

3k626ekful7ozxujar43keiw236in2h:

some ppls urls r so stupid smh

(Source: 3k626ekful7ozxujar43keiw236in2h, via g-iggle)

obscurebourgeoisie:

don’t buy colgate whitening toothpaste

it says guaranteed whiteness in 14 days

15 days have come and gone

and i am still asian

(Source: quasidrome, via punkmonksteven)

youngstero:

I love sleep because it’s like a time machine to breakfast

(via g-iggle)

thelilnan:

the-time-goddess-of-221b:

Who’s ready to hear the best joke ever? Ok *clears throat*

A rich snail goes into a car shop, picks out a super fast car, and says “I want a big S painted on the right side, the left side, the front, the back, I want big S’s everywhere.” And the car painter asks “Why?” And the snail says “Because when I pass people on the road I want them to point at me and say ‘Wow! Look at that escargot!”

you had me at rich snail

(via punkmonksteven)

thedreammaker:

i always forget guys have armpit hair so when they lift their arms up it always scares me it’s like BAM WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE

(via punkmonksteven)

lulz-time:

Featured on a 1000Notes.com blog
ryaynross:

saved you a seat

goodenoughforjazz:

started out with a click

image

how did it end up like this

image

(via g-iggle)

(Source: mrsmiawallaces, via g-iggle)